Funny IRC Quotes

A small explanation is needed. I chat on two channels mainly on the program IRC (look on my Links page to find out how to download it). The channels I chat on are #Christian_Debate and #christiandebate. Following are some humorous quotes (well I thought they were funny) from several different conversations. MY nicknames under there are Vampyress_Lilith and FearAndLoathingInNC. Keep in mind that some of these over-religious zealot types are DEAD serious about their "punishments" which is what makes this page utterly hilarious.

(On our sex conversation)
Justin_Felux: "Can you imagine Sara_ks holding her bible up in front of the screen so she doesn't see this?"

(When asked about my website)
Ignum: "I like it! Bitingly satirical at times, witty and yet still managing to be rational and intelligent. A feat which is not so easy these days.."

Rex_Goodheart: "What a great idea. I'm going to make a video of myself to play at my funeral. 'You bastards, you never came to visit me when I was alive. Why are you here? Heh. Just kidding. Go have some punch? Isn't it tasty? Well, I PEED in it, you bloodsuckers...'"

FearAndLoathingInNC: "How ya doin?"
KarlMarx: "I'm as happy as a pedo in a kindergarten, u?"
FearAndLoathingInNC: "LOL"

Rex_Goodheart: "When Jesus said his first word 'Dada', was he talking to Joseph or God?"

Baawa: "One of the wise men was particularly tall and bumped his head entering the manger. He muttered, "Jesus Christ!" Joseph whispered to Mary "Write that one down, I like it better than Irving."

Moroon: "A theist knows God exists the same way a schizophrenic knows that a talking couch in the White House is plotting their assassination."

Creaky: "What mistranslated scribbling do you take for the absolute truth, Ava?"

azoth: "Vampyress_Lilith-Tread carefully, I suspect Christianity objects to the prospect that someone, somewhere is having fun."

FearAndLoathingInNC: "Fellowship of Christian Atheletes BIGGEST BUNCH OF SCUM SUCKIN WINDBAGS I have ever been around in my life..one minute they're in the room praising god and jesus..next minute they're out in the halls insulting poor people. FUCK EM!"

Sara_Ks: "Yeah, kinda like sitting someplace quiet and thinking, then letting it go."
diTa`: "Sara lets not talk about a fart please."

MurderOfCrows: "If I were Satan, the best way I could screw up God would be to opt out. Tell God, The Drama Queen, to have his Armageddon all by himself. "I've read the book, I know how it turns out. Screw you, I'm going fishing!"

Vampyress_Lilith: "Sara_KS and her stupid Mandy Moore ass just kicked me out again!"
STuPidGiRL: "Don't worry sugah, pretty soon she'll be missing you like candy!"

Saratonin: "Thanks Mediapsych. We toss and turn at night worried rather some random idiot on IRC will find us boring and lame."

Vampyress_Lilith: "Ace'High, did you just say 'Jesus will lay the smack down?'"
Ace'High: "Vampyress, remember, Jesus was a carpenter, Those guys were built like tanks!"

Glow-Worm: "My bf has a bumper sticker that says "He's your God, They're your rules. YOU go to hell!"

mystes: "This question kills me: Have you ever considered the fact that Christianity is the only religion who's leader is said to have risen from the dead?"
STuPiDGiRL: "I'd be more impressed with a religious leader that never died in the first place."

JJA: "When you try to assert that an ancient book written by sheep herders contains all the truths of the universe, and is more accurate than the best and brightest learning of thousands of trained minds, then you are going to make yourself look like a simpleton. It can't be helped."

Anarchist_Superstar: "It's a sin to do a lot of things. The church has a big list of them I've never bothered to read. It's probably a sin to eat eggs on Tuesdays, or wear plaid on Thursdays or read the newspaper backwards on Fridays. The stupidest things must piss God off."

Mushyroom: "Fortune Cookies: Harmless treat or Tools of the devil to spread superstition?"

alicia_blue_eyes: "Tux, free will is so unbiblical."
TuxThePenguin throws a ping pong ball at alicia_blue_eyes and watches it bounce off her head.

Rex_Goodheart: "I derive immense gratitude from the knowledge that there is no supreme being watching my butt wiggle while I'm having sex."

spoon2001: "angelle, that comment wasn't directed to anyone, but thanks for your input. I'll put it in the folder marked 'later consideration'."

Vampyress_Lilith: "I went to church today."
Jewish1: "And you didn't burst into flames?"
DarkPurity: *hoses you down* "It's gonna be okay."
NegativeZero: "Sucks for you"
ronionline: "Vampy?? Church!??"

Unknown (forgot who said this): "Funny, these folks simply CAN'T believe that lower life forms evolved into higher ones, but they have no problem at all with sticks turning into snakes, two of every type of animal fitting onto a boat, a river turning into blood..."

JJA: "I would ask Jesus if he regretted the founding of Christianity. And I'd ask him if he'd like to get off that cross for a while and sit down."

bobtail: "I can't believe God is so insecure, neurotic, and driven as to want to be sure that 7 billion people are judged according to something that may have happened in Jerusalem 2,000 years ago. I would think He would have found something else to do by now. Is He historically challenged or something?"